Red, white and blue.

Too much pimms has been consumed to say anything. Here's the photo.

Lovely jubbley

I know this top made an appearance sometime ago, as did the skirt, but this combo deserved an entry. The skirt has regrown on me since it's last outing. It didn't seem to add quite so many feet to the circumference of my ass this time, which is obviously a positive, innit. And it is a little cute with the Queen's guards top. Noteworthy are the lovely legwarmers. Always a better alternative to tights, a little retro, a little chic, a little dishevelled. How anyone can resist a good quality leg warmer I'll never know. These are from Toast and are worth every penny they cost over Toppers.

A little yay!

Last time I wore this dress was on a night out to see the truly incredible Jane Birkin at The Roundhouse with my lovely friend and fellow French pop fan Jim. It was March 2009. I didn't know it then, but I was soon to be pregnant with Wilbur. We had a fab night, with pre-show martinis and post-show late night drinkies sitting outside a bar off the Charing Cross Rd. 2 children later and a life far removed from smoking our lungs out over Jack Daniels in Soho, the dress is back. A little tighter and a little shabby from being boxed and moved around so much, but to wear it again feels a bit like a holiday. KEEP

A change

Now, as previously mentioned, I much prefer dresses to separates, due to the mortal dangers of muffin top. I would rather avoid death by this particular social and sartorial faux pas, but on this occasion I took the chance. The skirt is a Monsoon one, and use to hang beautifully from the hips. I still love it but it now comes with an added danger, even more deadly than muffin top...full exposure. Thank god it happened as I stepped out of my friend's car in our car park and not as I sauntered past that wildebeest of a man Max Clifford, as he climbed into his ridiculously stupid and ostentatious car. Twat. So maybe the days are numbered for this one, or maybe I'll just pin it? FUTURE. UNKNOWN.

Once upon a time

I went to places. I was out in the world. This dress was bought for a sunny day at Ascot, the kind of day where you just eat and drink and pretend to watch horses, I do believe that there was a little bit of Lemar involved too, yes he of beautiful Fame Academy eyes. As was a given in those days my white dress and sparkley tights were treated to the obligatory red wine bath over lunch, but luckily the folds in the skirt hid most of the evidence and it miraculously came out in the wash. Keep. For old times sake, but sigh, those days when I could(just about) get away with no bra underneath are passed and gone.

Maxi dress weather.

I admit, I have complained about being hot, about the boys going crazy in the heat, but at least it means I get a chance to wear the most comfortable clothes known to woman - maxi dress. Yay. The bottom oneI bought ohhhh, I don't know, 5 years ago? 6? For "My best friend's wedding!" I never wore it to the wedding in the end, but 6 years on, it is stilla nice dress on a sunny, albeit now 2 sizes too small! KEEP, for no better reason than to kid myself I can rock a sz 12.

The other is newer, well, new in fact. I like it, it's pretty, it's lined, it's just kinda nice. KEEP

p p p playsuit

I don't care. I'm keeping it coz it's a playsuit and it reminds me of running around pubs in Manchester on summer evenings. KEEP for the memories of my fading youth.

7 years and counting

And I still bloody love this dress. Love love love it. KEEP

Another score from the bay.

First outing for this ebay number. Genius. Chuck it on, easy to wear, but still statementy Fab.KEEP

D'ya know what this is?

I'll tell you. It's a Zara Maternity dress. Yes maternity. Do you know what else? I got it before I was ever preggo, because I bloody loved it just as a dress. I even wore it to a Christmas do,a good 4 months pre preggo. That's how I roll. Rules? There are none. KEEP. See here, today and 2008.

Hoodie

It's not a particularly regular occurence that I wear a hoodie, but this is a dress. A dress disguised as a hoodie. Warm, snuggly, forgiving but cute. I almost felt a little bit gangsta! Brap brap. KEEP

Do you know what?

I really like this. Yes, yes, I know it has a gape over the boobage, but I can live with that little bit of a nod to what liues beneath! What I wasn't so keen on was the fact that as I was walking with the boys this morning I looked down and realised the three top buttons had opened, exposing full bra-ness to Sunday morning pensioners. I did wonder why the couple I nodded and smiled to turned their heads from me. I only hope it was still done up as I proffered gingerbread to a couple of the local kids on our way past them. So I'm going to KEEP it, I think it's cute, as long as it stays done up. By the way, the small one has my empty bottle, I do not endorse toddler drinking of Dr Pepper.

45587442-C415-40E3-A3968A384B00CD8C

Oh another

Another piece from the 'drobe of Bartholomew. This one arrived just after Christmas with two little cars pasckaged therein, I assuming for the boys. Now, I've never looked at Ted Baker really before,I assumed it was a bit preppy, but I'm liking this. I had to pop a t.shirt underneath to stop any escaping boobs and as you can see the top ended up biscuit bedribbled after a small one in a sling decided to vacate his mouth. But it still looks cute I think. Shame my eyes got stuck shut. KEEP

With thanks

To the my wardrobe sister, Becky Bartholomew. When I was 19. I read an article about how in the not too distant future we would have friends we'd never actually met, relationships formed through computers and virtual communication. It was 1997, I had recently discovered the internet the year before (obviously, I didn't discover it, maybe I mean I contacted with it). Back then I only used the www for my hotmail account, to keep in gossiping distance with my friends from home, dispersed as we were to different universities. The thought of internet friends was not only faintly ridiculous, but also weird, odd, bizarre and totalky NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. To be honest, even 18 months ago, having friends, I mean true friends, I'd never met was still not on my radar. Then along came this crazy lady, who, just a few months before had lived a mile from my London flat, but who I didn't know. She bought some clothes from me, I from her. And this is one of the dresses that has hung in both of our wardrobes. Now, I don't know if it is our similar sartorial tastes or our shared love of trash tv, but I do know that I do really have a friend, a proper actual friend who I have never ever met. Bec, you rock. You make me smile and you are one mega mama. But you sold me this dress as pink, it's clearly red, anyone can see that. KEEP

Spring greens

I rarely do a green. I don't know why? Anyway, it was blowing a gale, cold, miserable, but I wasn't going out, so I went all printemps. Flimsy material means I was glad for central heating, but I like it. KEEP.

Not a dress

But I am rag rolling my hair!

Just

Just a little fitted, a little flip to the skirt. Just worn enough to be super soft. No cleavage to speak of and not really any leg. Muted print, not shouty and bright. Throw in a bat wing cardi in kitten soft jersey and you have comfortable day wear and no jean or hoodie in sight. KEEP

Blossoming? Errmm nope.

I bought this out of stupidity. It is a Coast dress and I got it for like £14, which is a bargain. But nothing is a bargain if it makes you look like this. SELL

A lust

This is the dress. The dress I saw.

The dress I wasn't prepared to pay the price of. The dress that was sold out online when the sale started. The dress that I tried to describe to everyone. The dress I just could not find. The dress I gave up on. The dress that turned up, a year later. The dress that was on a rack, in a shop 3 miles from my house. The dress that I finally found. The dress that is now too big. For SALE.

Back.

At the request of my cousins, I'm back. Thank you lovelies. <3 This is a Pearl Lowe for Peacocks dress, which I had to stalk the shops for. I love it... on the hanger. It's black lace, a little bit 80s with a 50s silhouette and a 60s length. All good. It's lovely and light, quite forgiving, but there is something about the square neckline which I don't love. It seems to make my shoulders huge and boxy, eugghh. Not a good look, not since Dynasty anyway. It's FOR SALE. By the way excuse my hair and face. I was saying goodbye to my nana yesterday and to top it off, when I returned from the funeral, I was greeted by a piece of very nasty and cowardly cyber bullying. I wasn't the happiest today.

Simple

Black shift with frayed hem. Needs no words. KEEP

Red dress, pow!

Another new from ebay find. A bit

too clingy to ever damned tiny curve, bump and undulation, but in a not unattractive way I guess. It doesn't make me want to dance, it doesn't transport me to another place or give me a personality transplant, but it does the job. KEEP (probably).

Throw on

I've had this dress a long time. Pre babies, pre everything that happened. It was from Urban Outfitters. It's pretty shapeless, more like a t.shirt than a dress, but it's a chuck on. It looks presentable, needs no dressing up or down and it's good for toddler dance class, as we proved this morning. KEEP

Printed petals

This was another brand new ebay dress, originally from Dorothy Perkins, not a shop I have ever bought from and this is probably why. I was lured by the Kiely esque print, byt the print is spaced out oddly, the material is a bit too thin for my liking and I'm not overly keen on off-white. SELL.

A walk in the woods

So, you are taking two tumbling ru

mbling toddlers for a walk in the woods. What do you wear? A dress inspired by Audrey Hepburn of course. I got this from a lady who makes them, it is a full skirted take on Breakfast at Tiffany's and it rocks. Okay, so it is missing the pockets I needed to carry the collection of fir cones, snotty tissues and rice cake crumbs I was proffered throughout our jaunt, but I love it. It makes me happy, especially when the boys scream with delight and rush to bury themselves in the skirt folds when I twirl around (which ius, of course, requisite behave in the middle of the woods, innit). KEEP

Hibiscus

Is there a certain type of person who buys Hell Bunny dresses? I'm not sure, but I love them, I love the cut, the full skirts, the halternecks, thge prints, the movement in the material. I love all of this...in theory. In practice I find them a bit difficult to wear, they're almost like adult dressing up clothes and I feel a bit unreal in them. Obviously, I still love them, but their usefulness is really zero. I feel a little bit mutton in them too, to be honest, I would have worn this at 21 and rocked it. Now, with two grubby knee-ed cubs in tow, I feel a bit of a prannock. Will I sell it? Probably, one day, but not now. KEEP.

Another

Just to keep it all together, this is the other Biba faux wrap from Asda. I like this less, it looks a bit lumpy. I think the material might be a bit thinner than yesterday's and the print is a bit like a shop logo. Again it might do for sick days or cba days, but really? When you feel like that, that's the best time to get the sparkles out. SELL

Not Biba

But it is Barbara Hulanicki for Asda! I admit, I was kind of caught up in a bit of "oh, Biba for 15 quid" fever, but it's. Okay, nothing special. Perfectly comfy faux-wrap dress. No nods to Biba at all. It's nice and soft and good for a rainy day. Needless to say it was under a coat most of the day. I'll KEEP it, for rainy days and sofa days. Btw, the terrible quiff today is courtesy of driving rain and many hood pulls.

Easter butterflies

This was a not so sure from ebay. But a bargain. Sadly after one wear, I have lost two buttons, which are only cosmetic, not of any practical use. The fabric is a bit flimsy, but not as much of a problem as I thought it could be. With a belt pulled higher than normal I think it works pretty well. And it is worth it to hear 16 month old Huxley pointing at it and saying "butterbies, butterbies," in his sweet litle voice. KEEP. (Until further notice).

Good Friday

I never got it, why is Good Friday good? Being crucified, not good, surely bad? Now Easter Sunday, come back after being crucified, that's possibly good, if a little freaky. So Mourning Friday, Sad Saturday, Freaky Sunday, Easter Monday. Not to mention Terrified Thursday. I knew a woman once who basically would not be happy for the whole of lent and then would emerge on Easter (freaky) Sunday in a cascading torrent of unfettered ecstasy. In an nod to her I decided to do sombre. Okay sombre with a quiff. Today's dress is another ebay success. It's. Heavy, layered and swooshy. Assymetric, a back to front collar, it has so many bonkers elements but is ultimately understated, a little classy even (and as any of you who knew me circa 1994-2001 will know, classy is not in my roots). KEEP. Si keep your hopeful ebay twitching hands to yo selfs.

Collared

What you can't see in the photo is the winning feature of this dress. A black beaded Peter Pan collar, or as 27 month old Wilbur said; 'Mummy got black stars'. I admit in the photo it does look a little like velvet, which everyone knows should onlky ever be worn between the hours of 4pm and midnight on the 25th December. So it's satin, midnight blue and a touch too shuiny maybe. But I'm. not ready to let it go yet. KEEP.

Love

Just a quick one. I loved the dress for so long, I was so patient, lusted and waited. Finally I was rewarded, 70% off in January sales, yes please. I still love it, love the hark to Westwood tailoring. I don't care what anyone else says, I love this. KEEP .

Unsure

So not sure about this one. It isn't what it coulda, shoulda been. It's  okay, but it's not going to change my life. I had a sore disappointment this morning , an order turned up and was sent straight back in the next post. Lazy, sloppy styling doesn't even cover,so in comparison this is okay. Just okay. KEEP?

Experiment

I wouldn't normally have done this. For starters I don't massively love skirts, I am all about dresses, I fear the skirt's possibility for muffin top. But I bought this ultra cute soldier top, on some sort of Jubilee trip and then had to find a skirt to wear with it. So out of the mega drobe came this Monsoon number. Now, the two don't  go together, not one bit. But there is method to my madness; soldiers in bear skins and English garden roses mean just one thing a patriotic mash up! I think this maybe one of my jubilee party outfits come June.

I tried it, I actually do like it. KEEP.

Hiatus

Look, I needed a break. I'm  here now aren't I so relax. I think I will need to do 6 days a week.

Anyway, here's today's dress. It has no cleavage, no legs, it is very not me, but you know what I love it's primness. I love the echo of a gramaphone in the background everytime I look in the mirror. I love that I can smell the ration book cigarettes and the canvas kit bags. I can't of course, it's all in my head. It's not vintage, just copy, but good copy. And sometimes good copy is just fine. KEEP.

Pork Jelly

To be honest, I'm not impressed. This was lurking in my wardrobe,tags still on, shiny and pink, a little like a big shiny pink...piece of pork jelly. I didn't want to put it on, but to be true to my blog I had to do it. Look, I didn't even bother doing my quiff or kohling my eyes. My spirit wasn't  in it. SELL. 

Prints

Oh, this is exciting. This was a chase and a race that I nearly lost. I happened, by chance, to find that Orla Kiely was doing a collaboration with Uniqlo just a day before it went on sale. I set my alarm ready for the sale start time the next morning, but somehow missed it and by the time I did log on almost everything had gone. I did manage to get this dress and I have to say I love it. The cotton is a kind of starched quality that leaves the shape held perfectly. It is a simple shift, no zips or fastenings, just straight over the head.  I will be stalking ebay for more in different colours. Love it. KEEPing it.

Yay more pockets.

As I've  mentioned before, I love a pocket on a dress. Adding a little bit of cas to a dress that could otherwise be a bit too showy. This ebay bargain works on so many levels. The pockets, the little vest that is attached to the dress itself, not too tight but not shapeless, this is a lot of fun in such a little package. The dress is so lightweight that the package it came in was barely there at all. Love it, so glad I bought it. KEEP.

Sunny day, sunny dress

Okay, this feels a little more me. I never thought I'd shop at Wallis , but I started looking when they hooked me in with their Yasmin Le Bon collaboration and I discovered their 50s inspired dress shapes. I bought a few last summer and wore them to death. This is the one I liked least, the print's a bit bright and busy, but today I like it. Perfect for hanging around a sandpit in the sunny, watching the boys digging.

KEEP

ello Sailor

Okay, this would be lovely, if I was pregnant! Ha haha, I'm not! Though you coukd be forgiven for thinking otherwise. SELL . Deasr oh dear, not a successful few days. May tomorrow be pretty or sexy or just anything not blah.

With a little help from my assistant.

I bought this dress early in my pregnancy with Wilbur, I'm not sure I like it anymore. I love the colour but having babies means that the top no longer really contains what lies beneath!

It would be for sale, except it has the tell tale signs of a rather nasty fall in a station car park, which make it not so desirable.

So BIN it is then.

Just in time

With 5 minutes left of today, no time for much, just this:

KEEP! Shame, there's nothing I can do about my face, apologies!

And we hit 20 degrees.

So out come the little dresses.

I love love love this.

I love it more because someone else braved the sweaty aisles of Primark to buy it, put on ebay and even posted it to me.

No queues, no giant shop with two toddlers causing havoc, no looking through 20 tonnes of crap to find the gem. It keeps it's shape, it's cute and a little bit suggestive.

KEEP KEEP KEEP, forever.

Chickened out

The skirt I wore with this Orla Kiely top today was so unflattering that I am not even going to put up the photo. It's sad, it's a skirt I really loved when I first saw it on Asos and I decided not to send it back for a refund (as I do with 80% of the stuff I buy from them), hoping that it would miraculously turn into what I wanted it to be, but it didn't. It never lived up to its Mad Men potential of turning me into Christina Hendricks, sashaying between desks, turning heads. Dammit! I should never have kept it, I was being a little too hopeful. So, now, I have to admit, this lovely skirt, with its nipped in waist and chiffony layers is FOR SALE.

As for the top, I like it. Well, let's qualify that. I love the print and it's super softness, but I have reservations when anyone with boobs wears a round neck top. It's not a great look really, is it?So, perhaps optimistically, I am going to add this to a new pile: ADAPT!

Oh, and because I hate to cheat, here's all I'm willing to show, a very blurry photo. That's all you're getting.

Hawaii oh no.

I'm not going to say much about this. The cardigan is the biggest mistake here, making my shoulders look huge and putting me totally out of proportion.

I bought the dress itself because I had a sling with a Hawaiian print and wanted a dress to match. Not the best dress in the world, a flimsy material from which the belt pulled off.

There is no pile for the dress or cardi.

BIN

Better from behind.

So another day, another Ebay find. This time a lovely Whistles dress that also came to me brand new. Now, I admit from this front I am probably looking a little like I'm wearing a potato sack. It does nothing for my boobs or waist, but...From the back, oh I love it so. Love love love the cowl back and the suggestion of a big hood for going incognito (it's not a hood, it just looks like one). I love the exposed zip. I love the fact this dress has pockets, I love a pocket on a dress. The best girls would wear dresses with pockets, still girly, still sweet, but somewhere to keep your catapult. I bet Scout Finch would have worn this, had she been real and grown up.

For this reason and because it just feels right, this is a KEEP.