A change

Now, as previously mentioned, I much prefer dresses to separates, due to the mortal dangers of muffin top. I would rather avoid death by this particular social and sartorial faux pas, but on this occasion I took the chance. The skirt is a Monsoon one, and use to hang beautifully from the hips. I still love it but it now comes with an added danger, even more deadly than muffin top...full exposure. Thank god it happened as I stepped out of my friend's car in our car park and not as I sauntered past that wildebeest of a man Max Clifford, as he climbed into his ridiculously stupid and ostentatious car. Twat. So maybe the days are numbered for this one, or maybe I'll just pin it? FUTURE. UNKNOWN.

Once upon a time

I went to places. I was out in the world. This dress was bought for a sunny day at Ascot, the kind of day where you just eat and drink and pretend to watch horses, I do believe that there was a little bit of Lemar involved too, yes he of beautiful Fame Academy eyes. As was a given in those days my white dress and sparkley tights were treated to the obligatory red wine bath over lunch, but luckily the folds in the skirt hid most of the evidence and it miraculously came out in the wash. Keep. For old times sake, but sigh, those days when I could(just about) get away with no bra underneath are passed and gone.

Maxi dress weather.

I admit, I have complained about being hot, about the boys going crazy in the heat, but at least it means I get a chance to wear the most comfortable clothes known to woman - maxi dress. Yay. The bottom oneI bought ohhhh, I don't know, 5 years ago? 6? For "My best friend's wedding!" I never wore it to the wedding in the end, but 6 years on, it is stilla nice dress on a sunny, albeit now 2 sizes too small! KEEP, for no better reason than to kid myself I can rock a sz 12.

The other is newer, well, new in fact. I like it, it's pretty, it's lined, it's just kinda nice. KEEP

p p p playsuit

I don't care. I'm keeping it coz it's a playsuit and it reminds me of running around pubs in Manchester on summer evenings. KEEP for the memories of my fading youth.

7 years and counting

And I still bloody love this dress. Love love love it. KEEP

Another score from the bay.

First outing for this ebay number. Genius. Chuck it on, easy to wear, but still statementy Fab.KEEP

D'ya know what this is?

I'll tell you. It's a Zara Maternity dress. Yes maternity. Do you know what else? I got it before I was ever preggo, because I bloody loved it just as a dress. I even wore it to a Christmas do,a good 4 months pre preggo. That's how I roll. Rules? There are none. KEEP. See here, today and 2008.

Hoodie

It's not a particularly regular occurence that I wear a hoodie, but this is a dress. A dress disguised as a hoodie. Warm, snuggly, forgiving but cute. I almost felt a little bit gangsta! Brap brap. KEEP

Do you know what?

I really like this. Yes, yes, I know it has a gape over the boobage, but I can live with that little bit of a nod to what liues beneath! What I wasn't so keen on was the fact that as I was walking with the boys this morning I looked down and realised the three top buttons had opened, exposing full bra-ness to Sunday morning pensioners. I did wonder why the couple I nodded and smiled to turned their heads from me. I only hope it was still done up as I proffered gingerbread to a couple of the local kids on our way past them. So I'm going to KEEP it, I think it's cute, as long as it stays done up. By the way, the small one has my empty bottle, I do not endorse toddler drinking of Dr Pepper.

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Oh another

Another piece from the 'drobe of Bartholomew. This one arrived just after Christmas with two little cars pasckaged therein, I assuming for the boys. Now, I've never looked at Ted Baker really before,I assumed it was a bit preppy, but I'm liking this. I had to pop a t.shirt underneath to stop any escaping boobs and as you can see the top ended up biscuit bedribbled after a small one in a sling decided to vacate his mouth. But it still looks cute I think. Shame my eyes got stuck shut. KEEP

With thanks

To the my wardrobe sister, Becky Bartholomew. When I was 19. I read an article about how in the not too distant future we would have friends we'd never actually met, relationships formed through computers and virtual communication. It was 1997, I had recently discovered the internet the year before (obviously, I didn't discover it, maybe I mean I contacted with it). Back then I only used the www for my hotmail account, to keep in gossiping distance with my friends from home, dispersed as we were to different universities. The thought of internet friends was not only faintly ridiculous, but also weird, odd, bizarre and totalky NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. To be honest, even 18 months ago, having friends, I mean true friends, I'd never met was still not on my radar. Then along came this crazy lady, who, just a few months before had lived a mile from my London flat, but who I didn't know. She bought some clothes from me, I from her. And this is one of the dresses that has hung in both of our wardrobes. Now, I don't know if it is our similar sartorial tastes or our shared love of trash tv, but I do know that I do really have a friend, a proper actual friend who I have never ever met. Bec, you rock. You make me smile and you are one mega mama. But you sold me this dress as pink, it's clearly red, anyone can see that. KEEP

Spring greens

I rarely do a green. I don't know why? Anyway, it was blowing a gale, cold, miserable, but I wasn't going out, so I went all printemps. Flimsy material means I was glad for central heating, but I like it. KEEP.

Not a dress

But I am rag rolling my hair!

Just

Just a little fitted, a little flip to the skirt. Just worn enough to be super soft. No cleavage to speak of and not really any leg. Muted print, not shouty and bright. Throw in a bat wing cardi in kitten soft jersey and you have comfortable day wear and no jean or hoodie in sight. KEEP

Blossoming? Errmm nope.

I bought this out of stupidity. It is a Coast dress and I got it for like £14, which is a bargain. But nothing is a bargain if it makes you look like this. SELL

A lust

This is the dress. The dress I saw.

The dress I wasn't prepared to pay the price of. The dress that was sold out online when the sale started. The dress that I tried to describe to everyone. The dress I just could not find. The dress I gave up on. The dress that turned up, a year later. The dress that was on a rack, in a shop 3 miles from my house. The dress that I finally found. The dress that is now too big. For SALE.

Back.

At the request of my cousins, I'm back. Thank you lovelies. <3 This is a Pearl Lowe for Peacocks dress, which I had to stalk the shops for. I love it... on the hanger. It's black lace, a little bit 80s with a 50s silhouette and a 60s length. All good. It's lovely and light, quite forgiving, but there is something about the square neckline which I don't love. It seems to make my shoulders huge and boxy, eugghh. Not a good look, not since Dynasty anyway. It's FOR SALE. By the way excuse my hair and face. I was saying goodbye to my nana yesterday and to top it off, when I returned from the funeral, I was greeted by a piece of very nasty and cowardly cyber bullying. I wasn't the happiest today.